Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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