So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize