Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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