He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
