I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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