Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
