You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
