I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
