I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
