I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
