Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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