Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize