I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Be still, my beating vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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