Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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