I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
