the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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