your parents love me but you hate me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
