I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
