we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
