dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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