the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
