There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
