so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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