The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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