can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
