My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
