What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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