what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
