Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
