The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
