My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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