So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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