I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
