I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
