if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
