Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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