My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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