so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
