her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
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I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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