I think im going to throw up on grandma
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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