Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
