my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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