He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
