At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
