I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He shit in the fireplace
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
