I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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