Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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