Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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