Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
