You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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