no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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