two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
