He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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