well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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