The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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