I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize