i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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