I need to stop coming to work sober
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
