this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
