making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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