I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
